Climbing up....

Lately, I wake up with butterflies in my stomach every morning.

The suspense is killing me.

I am anxiously waiting to hear back from a job application that could lead to a life changing move to another country.

Waiting, waiting, waiting. Since the beginning of August.

In a week or so, we should know more.

The truth is -- this is a long shot. The economy being what it is, now is really not the best time to contemplate such a drastic move. But still. I am excited and anxious.

And speaking of going on out a limb....



....we went apple picking yesterday, on the last official day of summer. It was a glorious afternoon, and the boys and I were joined by good friends in the orchard. Our harvest was topped off with a stop to the bakery for pecan and pumpkin pies, homemade honey, and, of course, apple cider. Yum!

Now I just have to figure out what to do with all those apples we picked....

Gearing Up For School

I woke up this morning with BIG kids:

As of tomorrow, Benjamin will be in grade 4. Officially no longer a primary student. And my Christopher boy will be in grade 7. Just two more years until high school.

How did this happen? It was only yesterday that my wee Christopher went off to J.K.

Time marches on, and so, tomorrow, must we. Right back to school.

It's been another busy-but-fun summer. We've had lots and lots of European visitors. We spent a week on Hilton Head Island with friends. A weekend in Muskoka, Ontario's lake country. Another weekend in Quebec City.

Not to mention numerous play dates and countless local excursions. Lazy mornings and late nights. Bike rides around the 'hood. Hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill, freezies by the pool.

But now, the school bags are bought, as well as most school supplies. Everything is still in unopened packages, in plastic bags, hidden from view in the hallway closet. Nobody's made a move to get ready for tomorrow as of yet.

We like to leave things until the last minute.

The boys will emphatically tell you that they are not ready for summer to end. But I know once they start school again, they'll be happy to reconnect with their friends. Content to have a set schedule for the day.

I, on the other hand, am a little concerned. In our family, it is my responsibility to worry, and I do not take this task lightly.

Grade 7 works on a rotary system, meaning Christopher will have several teachers, instead of just one or two as has been the norm up to this point. He will need to be on the ball and organized, to keep up with the expectations from different teachers. And as we all know, organizational skills are not one Christopher's strengths. Last year was pretty easy for him, but towards the end of the year, he slacked off majorly. I don't want to see that happen again, but I also know we will not be able to stay on top of him this year.

Kids in grade 7 and 8 are expected to be quite independent, and I suppose Christopher needs to learn the hard way. It`s time for us as parents to let go a little and allow him to make his own mistakes. After all, we can't follow him to university (unless he goes somewhere exciting - like Hawaii or Australia. In that case, there may be fine print allowing his mother to do just that).

Big changes are also in store for my baby B. Everybody agrees, grade 4 is a big jump. The kids move from the smaller class sizes in the primary years (20 kids per class), to much bigger classes in the junior years (up to 30 students per class). For someone like B boy, this is not necessarily a good thing. He has a tough time focusing, and is easily distracted. The school is well aware of this, and will be monitoring him in case he needs added support. We will also continue having him tutored privately. But still, I worry. He is such a content and confident little boy right now. I would hate to see him lose that. I don't want him feeling like he is falling behind, just because he has attention issues.

Hmmm....

My angst obviously didn't disappear during my blog hiatus. Wouldn't that have been nice? I worry too much, but I believe in being prepared!

I also know that I have two happy, friendly, well-adjusted boys. My personal goal for the school year, therefore, is to worry less and enjoy more. Live. Laugh. Love.

After all, these kids of ours grow so darn quickly. The next time I blink, they could very well be starting university!

A Change of Season and a New Beginning

The sun is shining today. Fitting perhaps, as it is the last day of the school holidays. The boys have left for a golf outing with a friend of B boy's and his dad. Christopher refused to wear the only collared shirt he owns - a bright pink one with blue strips. I guess pink is no longer in for boys. Hopefully, they won't give him a hard time about it at the golf course. Because, honestly, isn't it about time they give up that silly dress code, anyway?

When they come back, we will probably go for one of the year's last swims in the pool. We never use the pool much once school starts. I'm OK with it -- there are usually lots of other things to fill the weekends, and the boys are too tired after school. Either that, or they've missed their computers too much all day to possibly stay away from them for another second...

Fall is one of my favourite seasons. I love the colour changes, the cooler air. Not to mention the apple picking, the pumpkin patches and the gorgeous vegetables on offer from road side stands. Even for someone on a seemingly never-ending diet (those last 5 pounds. Ack!), there is a bounty of food to enjoy this time of year.

Speaking of food, an overabundance of tomatoes in my fridge was the cause of a creative zap last night, as I made my first ever roasted tomato and red pepper soup. De.li.cious. Mmmmm....I now have a healthy, low caloric, TASTY lunch plan for the next little while.

It feels lovely to sit here, at my kitchen counter, blogging. It has been so long. I think I might be ready again. The thing I love most about blogging is the way it makes me pause and look at things another way. Find the humour in situations that are not obviously funny, just in case they might make good blog fodder!

So here we go....let's give this another try!

Home

So I'm finding it really hard to keep up with my blogging. A massive contrast to last year, when I was so inspired to record our daily doings.

The obvious difference? That I am here, in Canada now, back to my "normal" life.

I think I'm a little bit depressed. In a funk. I have no energy or passionate interest in doing things. I avoid answering phone calls, door bells. I postpone tasks until the very last minute. So lethargic.

Not to mention easily annoyed and with a short fuse. Sad to say my boys have felt the lash of my tongue more than once, though I try to keep it together for them.

I'm suffering from a bad case of missing our adventures in Norway. If I could, I would go back. In a heartbeat. A blink of an eye. You wouldn't have to ask me twice.

If it were just Mike and I, I would probably have forced the issue much more than I have. As it is, I don't really talk about it, and I just try to muddle through the days, as best I can.

Because I can see that our life here in Canada is better for my precious boys. The school system here really is better in most ways that are important to us. The academics are far superior to what we experienced in Norway. I can see how much further ahead the boys are at school, what huge leaps they've taken since returning from Europe.

As well, the children here, while sometimes too closely monitored and supervised for my taste, are definitely better behaved. In Norway, kids are encouraged to be independent and self sufficient from an early age. This obviously has its benefits, but can lead to bullying or at least very physical play. My boys were fine during their year there, but neither one of them is used to such cut throat and unsupervised socialization. We were lucky we had a good experience, I know that could change if I were to take them back.

Finally, if I am absolutely honest with myself, even if we didn't have to worry about the boys, I know Norway is a dead end for Mike. The major language barrier would prevent him from pursuing his University career. And even if he took to the language quickly, the research community in North America is much more active and developed for his area of expertise. Really, he would have to give up a tenured position where he basically has the freedom to do as he pleases, to start all over in a foreign country, without the requisite skills.

I can't ask him to do that.

So I'm stuck. Stuck in one of the most desirable countries in the world to live in, according to the United Nations. Stuck in a beautiful house, with happy boys, surrounded by great friends. Woe isn't me. I know that. I look around, and I see how much I have. How fortunate I am.

And yet...

Tomorrow marks a year since we left Norway. But it could easily have been just a day. I have that sad, sinking feeling deep inside my tummy. I am writing this at 4:30 am, having not slept since 3 am.

I just want to go home.

Parenting

Parenting is not for the faint-hearted.

The emotional rollercoaster that parenting has taken me on since that January day in 1997 is incomparable to anything else I've done. It often renders me completely helpless, tossed into a vortex of feelings over which I have no control.

Things that drive me crazy:

- Table manners at meal times. I've been known to finish my meal and simply get up and leave. The kids are giggling, making up sounds (not always from their mouths...), creating new lyrics to songs (despite the strict 'no singing while eating' rule in our house), sharing ridiculous or rude jokes, etc. At times it can be impossible to ask them a single question that doesn't have them disintegrating into fits of laughter. Ugh!

- Homework. Whoever came up with that idea? Why can't kids finish their work at school? I don't believe my children are the only ones who think homework is worse than root canals. The killer is homework on the weekend. Sunday nights (which is when these pesky assignments invariably end up having to be finished) can be hellish at our house. There's moaning. And groaning. And not infrequently tears.

- My own anxieties. I worry, worry, worry. I often lose sleep worrying, because I've decided that one boy doesn't have this, or the other boy can't do that. Whatever happened to the cool and calm and collected moi? When did she depart and leave behind this old bag of angst-ridden nerves? And can she please come back, because I don't really like the new me.

I am not a perfect parent. And I don't try to be. But sometimes I wonder if I am strong enough for this gig.

Parenting is the most important job I'll ever have. I just hope we all come out OK on the other end. And that my kids will be gentle in their assessment of their mother, or at the very least know that "She tried her best."

P90X

Today was The Day.

Day one of P90X.

I am still walking...though I may not be by tomorrow morning.

90 days of this? I don't know...(says she, while munching on M&Ms).

It will be interesting.

The program says to take before-and-after pictures. I figure I'll just do the 'after' pictures.

And the chocolate? It STAYS!

Another School Weekend

Nothing fills my heart with dread more than school projects. Those dreaded instructions peeking out from school bags -- to me they represent literally hours of pain.

The culprit this weekend was a grade 6 trading brochure, to have been started weeks before Christmas, and due tomorrow. For which Christopher had managed to do almost nothing over the course of the last month or so.

Meaning the afternoon was spent editing, cutting, pasting, colouring and drawing. All the while telling my eldest son off for being so irresponsible, not managing his time properly, not showing sufficient pride in his work, and so on and so forth.

Of course this was supposed to be his project - but what are you going to do when the child is helplessly sitting there for hours, getting nothing done? Occupying the entire kitchen while doing so, I might add.

To top it off, it turns out that he also has a math test tomorrow. And when Mike tested him on the details of this test, it seems he knows next to nothing about the current math topic. He certainly didn't answer the questions correctly.

And yes, this is the same boy who did NO studying all week, and who opted to have a playdate/sleep over on Friday AND not do any work yesterday.

Tell me, by what age do children start show more responsibility for their school work and more interest in actually doing well? Could 12 be the magic number, by any chance? I think I can hang in there for another 5 days, but if it's much longer than that, my head might explode.

UGH!